Make Enjoyment and Small Steps Part of Your Self-Care Routine
In many of my workshops – and in my coaching practice –people with ADHD often tell me they’re burnt out. Functioning properly day-in, day-out can be a struggle when we never seem to get a break from all the stressors and challenges that keep coming our way. Since we’re constantly forced to fit into a world that was primarily designed by and for neurotypical people, it’s quite understandable that we feel drained, frustrated and exhausted.
To refill our batteries, taking good care of ourselves on a regular basis is a must. But it can feel terribly hard to fit another item – no matter how important – into a life already filled to the brim. We all know how vital self-care is, but we have a hard time making it work for us. Reasons for that can be that
our executive dysfunction makes it hard to plan and follow through.
our impulsivity can lead to unhealthy choices.
our hyperfocus may cause us to neglect basic needs like eating or sleeping.
Thus, we’re trapped in a vicious cycle with no obvious way out. What are we supposed to do when we really like the idea of self-care but don’t know how to handle another “chore” without going insane?
One way of approaching self-care is to take the pressure off. The last thing we need to do is add more stress to our lives when all we want is to simplify it! So if working out, eating more fruit and vegetables throughout the day or meditating every night seem too much – and not appealing to you – then they’re not for you.
Self-care has become a buzz word over the last years with shiny pictures on social media about people who look fabulous and allegedly do things effortlessly. But we don’t need to emulate those people and feel bad about ourselves when we cannot keep up. Instead, pick one small area that you feel you could change a little. That’s all you need to focus on for the time being. Researchers have found that it takes us, 66 days on average to get used to new habits in our life, so the slower and smaller you can proceed the better.
Here are some generic ideas when it comes to self-care but only try them out if they also appeal to you!
Physical Well-Being
It might be a good idea to start with meeting your basic needs, your physical well-being. Oftentimes, when we have ADHD, we tend to forget to eat and drink which, of course, takes a toll on our bodies over time. Sometimes, just setting a reminder to have lunch can make the difference between a productive or an unfocused afternoon – and the same holds true for drinking enough water.
Having a stack of healthy snacks nearby could be a game changer as well – nuts, fruit, some carrots with hummus – so you don’t resort to chocolate bars or chips when you get hungry in between meals.
Of course, healthy meals would be another important form of self-care, but meal prep can be an issue when you’re already maxed out. You can find more suggestions here that may or may not be helpful – but just starting with a good breakfast as a form of self-care could be enough. And once your breakfast is in place you can take it from there and think about better options for lunch and dinner.
If food isn’t a concern of yours, maybe regular exercise is. The key to success here is to choose something you truly love – don’t let yourself be talked into joining a new gym or that yoga class your friend enjoys so much if that’s not your cup of tea. Do what you feel excited about – and if you’re not sure keep trying things out until you find something you really like. Chances are you will stick with an activity if it doesn’t feel like another item on your to-do list. And start small – there is no need to train for a marathon. Just allocating 10 minutes a day can make a big difference.
A third biggie is rest – including sleep. Sometimes, self-care can mean giving yourself a break – lying on the sofa watching Netflix, reading a good novel or having a cup of hot chocolate. Giving yourself permission to rest and do nothing can make a huge difference. We don’t always have to be productive.
We also know how important sleep is for our overall wellbeing and our ability to stay focused during the day. ADHD can make it difficult to get enough sleep, so having a sleep routine in place can be quite beneficial. If sleep is something you want to work on more, check out my article on sleep here.
Mental and Emotional Self-Care
Edward Hallowell, renowned expert on ADHD in the US, postulates that one of the most important things we can have is close connections with family members or friends. Thus, make time to spend with people you really enjoy being around. Create routines so you will see people you deeply care about – have standing lunches or dinners, go on regular walks or share a hobby with a good friend so that you will definitely get together. Being with people you trust and understand can make you feel appreciated and leave you feeling re-energized and inspired.
Another source of relaxation for many people is to find a few hobbies and activities that give them joy. Like with your workouts, it is important that you enjoy what you’re doing. Knitting, crocheting, doing crafts or woodwork, making puzzles, reading the newspaper, cooking meals, playing an instrument – the possibilities are endless. Again, you might have to try out a number of activities to find out what suits you, but it is definitely worth a try. You might notice that hobbies you used to love get boring after a while, but that’s a common struggle we face in many different areas of our life when we’re neurodivergent.
Finally, learning more about the person you are by doing some type of meditation, yoga, t’ai chi or a gratitude journal can feel relaxing as well. If that’s something you don’t like, don’t consider it. We all have our personal preferences and relate to activities in different ways. I just remember my own experience with meditation and how it changed my life. I thought I was calm and well-put together until I sat down to meditate and noticed how I was obsessively making to-do lists in my mind instead of focusing on my breath. I suddenly realized how fixated I was on getting things done and that those 10 minutes meditation took out of my precious day were almost too much for me to handle. Just becoming aware of my stress level helped me slow down more often and make better decisions about my work-life balance.
Final Thoughts
Self-care with ADHD is about working with your brain, not against it. Do what feels comfortable and enjoyable to you and you can build routines that actually stick. There is no use in following someone else’s recommendations if their self-care methods aren’t right for you – so adjust as needed. Be patient with yourself, celebrate small victories, no matter how small they might seem, and don’t be frustrated when what works today won’t work again tomorrow, because that’s okay.
