Why Does My Child Have So Many Changing Hobbies and Interests - and What to Do about It
“I am so mad at my son,” said a mom at one of my ADHD self-help groups the other day. “He starts one hobby after another without ever staying with one for more than a few months. We have so much stuff in our house that he doesn’t use anymore – football helmets, inline skates, paint brushes, an easel and various instruments. It’s such a waste of money to pay for all of that equipment only to be thrown into a closet after a few months.”
As a mom of a son with ADHD, I completely understand. We have cycled through our fair share of hobbies ourselves – without an end in sight. And yes, it is difficult to cope with the constant change of schedules when an old hobby is being tossed to the wayside and a new one taken up – not to speak of all the extra expenses of signing up for another class or a club membership.
If you are new to the world of ADHD, you might be wondering what is going on here. Why can’t a child – or an adult for that matter – just stick with a few hobbies and get really good at them? Why this constant change of plans and mind?
Psychiatrist and ADHD expert Dr. William Dodson says that when you have ADHD your nervous system is based on interest rather than based on the importance of a task. When something strikes our fancy, we can get super excited about a project, a question or a hobby and we intensely focus on it to the point of obsession. We call that state hyperfocus; we can remain there for hours on end without feeling hunger, thirst, exhaustion or even the urge to go to the bathroom. When we are hyperfocusing, time does not exist anymore, and we forget the world around us.
Being so intently focused on something new can be quite beneficial in various ways. For example, we quickly accumulate new knowledge and are insatiable when it comes to new facts. We might check out stacks of books from the library, listen to podcasts, search the internet for interesting websites or watch numerous YouTube videos. We become so engrossed in a subject that, in no time, we can call ourselves an expert. In addition, we are able to finish a project in record time with extraordinary results.
Yet, the downside of our intense hyperfocus is the fact that it can go away after a short period of time. After we couldn’t get enough of a specific theme or a hobby, our enthusiasm suddenly wanes, and we lose interest. Eventually we end up abandoning our particular interest or hobby as quickly as we picked it up. We leave behind many unfinished projects, angry sports teams or frustrated parents who just paid for our year-long gym membership only to see us lose interest after just two months.
ADHD Specialist talks about a continuous cycle of hobby collecting: first there is curiosity when we start researching a particular interest, followed by the excitement of non-stop talking about it with friends and family members. Next, we see true enjoyment of the hobby – the peak of the cycle – before we get bored and abandon our interest without acknowledging the familiar pattern of that cycle (denial).
We tend to repeat the cycle over and over, with increasing feelings of annoyance, frustration and sometimes even despair for not being able to stick with anything. And because we leave before we get the hang of what we started, moving from one hobby to another also means we will never know what it is like to be proficient or truly excel.
It's quite understandable that you might ask yourself as a parent what you can do to keep your child more interested in a certain subject – and the answer is: it is a complex matter.
As we said before, ADHD brains are interest based – we focus on things that are of personal interest to us – and that’s what increases our dopamine levels in our brain. Dopamine enables us to motivate ourselves to engage with a particular task – and stay focused for an extended period of time. Yet, apart from personal interest, our brains crave novelty – another way of generating more dopamine. If an interest of ours gets old, we like to abandon it in search of something more exciting and stimulating – and our current hobby falls to the wayside. How, as a parent, should you respond to such seemingly erratic behavior?
Be patient
As Jessica McCabe, who runs the very successful YouTube channel “How to ADHD,” assures us, we more often than not will return to old hobbies again after a while. Once they have been dormant and fallen to the wayside, they will be novel enough for us to pick them up again and give them another try. So, if you have invested in sports gear, an array of knitting needles or countless books about astronomy, chances are that your investment was not in vain, but that your child’s interest might come in waves. You might cycle through a variety of different hobbies just to – hopefully – rediscover an abandoned hobby again down the road.
Encourage your child as much as you can
When your child is having a great time hyperfocusing on a hobby, support them as much as you can. We know that for many ADHDers, self-doubt and low self-esteem are live-long challenges since they encounter many alleged failures along the way. So, if possible, encourage your child’s excitement about a new interest and highlight the positive aspects of that new hobby.
Find common threads among the various hobbies
Many neurodivergent people do best when they find something they truly love. Is there a way you can pinpoint what your kid feels primarily drawn to? Can you find commonalities between their different hobbies? Can you find a hobby that displays enough variety or novelty so that the hobby does not get boring?
Set limits when an interest becomes a pricey endeavor
Remember that you can set limits if things get out of hand. If an activity or hobby threatens to break your bank, talk to your child and explain why, this time, you cannot support their new interest. Parenting a neurodivergent child can be a challenge, and we need to make sure we take good care of our own well-being. If you feel overwhelmed by your kid’s changing interests, sit down with your child and talk things through. I am sure you will be able to find a good solution for everyone involved.
Hobbies and interests can be a great way for your child to learn about the world, pursue their passion and socialize with other people. And even though there are some pitfalls when it comes to the constant desire to change hobbies, it is important to support your child as best as you can. Even if we switch hobbies and interests we can still learn a lot about ourselves in the process and about the person we are. And that can be an invaluable experience when it comes to our future career path.
