There is a particular kind of silence in our house that makes me uneasy. It’s not the peaceful kind. Not the kind that signals deep concentration or imaginative play. It’s the kind of silence that feels… suspicious. If you have a neurodivergent child, you probably know exactly what I mean. Screens have always held a powerful attraction for my son. Video games, YouTube, anything with fast movement and endless novelty. I understand why. His brain craves stimulation in a way that the ordinary world often cannot provide.

When we talk about ADHD in families, we often picture the neurodivergent child and the overwhelmed parent trying to keep up. But what if the equation is reversed? What if you are the one with ADHD and your child is neurotypical? It’s a situation that’s far more common than many people think and that I see in my coaching practice a few times a year.

When my family moved from the U.S. to Germany, I thought we were ready for almost everything: a new language, new routines, new friends. My son started first grade at a small, charming elementary school in a well-off, very homogenous neighborhood. Most of the kids looked alike, spoke German as their mother tongue, and came from similar family backgrounds. My son stood out: Native American, English speaker, new to the country, still processing culture shock.

At our house, sibling fights are almost a daily soundtrack. I’ve got two boys, one is 8, the other 4 1/2, and like most brothers, they have their good moments together, but lately it feels like there’s more rivalry than harmony. My older son is on both the ADHD and autism spectrum, and my younger one also shows some neurodivergent tendencies. It’s no surprise then that tensions run high.

A week ago, it was the last day of school before summer break. I was standing outside with a group of other parents, chatting as we waited for our kids to come out of school for the last time this year. The conversations around me were full of excitement. There was lots of talk of sleeping in, fun activities, family vacations, trips to see relatives. Everyone seemed so relaxed and happy about the weeks ahead.

If you’ve ever raised your voice at your child and instantly regretted it, you’re not alone. If you’ve told yourself this time I’ll stay calm, only to lose your temper five minutes later … yes, I’ve been there too. As a mom of a neurodivergent son, I navigate these emotional minefields every day. And as someone who teaches workshops for parents of kids with ADHD, I know this struggle is heartbreakingly common.

My son and I used to have our fair share of battles over screen time. For him, it was mainly about Minecraft or Roblox since he was — and is — still quite young. But if he were older, we would have probably fought about social media such as TikTok and YouTube as well. I felt quite torn since screens are both an incredibly soothing tool for my son and a source of constant tension in our household.

As a mom of a son with AuDHD I know from personal experience that raising a neurodivergent child is a journey filled with love, growing, and challenges. There are endless lessons I have learnt – both about my child’s needs but also about myself and how I respond in certain situations.

“I am so mad at my son,” said a mom at one of my ADHD self-help groups the other day. “He starts one hobby after another without ever staying with one for more than a few months. We have so much stuff in our house that he doesn’t use anymore – football helmets, inline skates, paint brushes, an easel and various instruments.