At our house, sibling fights are almost a daily soundtrack. I’ve got two boys, one is 8, the other 4 1/2, and like most brothers, they have their good moments together, but lately it feels like there’s more rivalry than harmony. My older son is on both the ADHD and autism spectrum, and my younger one also shows some neurodivergent tendencies. It’s no surprise then that tensions run high.

A week ago, it was the last day of school before summer break. I was standing outside with a group of other parents, chatting as we waited for our kids to come out of school for the last time this year. The conversations around me were full of excitement. There was lots of talk of sleeping in, fun activities, family vacations, trips to see relatives. Everyone seemed so relaxed and happy about the weeks ahead.

If you’ve ever raised your voice at your child and instantly regretted it, you’re not alone. If you’ve told yourself this time I’ll stay calm, only to lose your temper five minutes later … yes, I’ve been there too. As a mom of a neurodivergent son, I navigate these emotional minefields every day. And as someone who teaches workshops for parents of kids with ADHD, I know this struggle is heartbreakingly common.

My son and I used to have our fair share of battles over screen time. For him, it was mainly about Minecraft or Roblox since he was — and is — still quite young. But if he were older, we would have probably fought about social media such as TikTok and YouTube as well. I felt quite torn since screens are both an incredibly soothing tool for my son and a source of constant tension in our household.

As a mom of a son with AuDHD I know from personal experience that raising a neurodivergent child is a journey filled with love, growing, and challenges. There are endless lessons I have learnt – both about my child’s needs but also about myself and how I respond in certain situations.

“I am so mad at my son,” said a mom at one of my ADHD self-help groups the other day. “He starts one hobby after another without ever staying with one for more than a few months. We have so much stuff in our house that he doesn’t use anymore – football helmets, inline skates, paint brushes, an easel and various instruments.

I moved back home to Germany in June 2023 together with my American husband C. and my two sons M. (5) and N. (2) after almost 25 years in the US. Because of the pandemic, N. had never been to Germany, and M. had only visited when he was a toddler. He didn’t remember much and was more than a little apprehensive about the move.

As a parent of a child with ADHD, one of your biggest challenges might be the question of how to motivate your child to get things done. It might start in the morning with an unwillingness to get dressed...