There’s a particular kind of tension that shows up in relationships where two people love each other deeply - and still feel like they’re speaking entirely different languages. Couples who care, who try, who genuinely want to make things work… and yet find themselves caught in the same arguments over and over again. One partner feels unheard, the other feels constantly criticized. Expectations go unmet.

For a long time, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) was considered the gold standard for working with ADHD. And to be clear: CBT is not a bad approach. It has helped many people with structure, planning, and goal-setting. But if you live with ADHD or parent or coach someone who does you may have noticed something frustrating: Knowing what to do is not the same as being able to do it.

Christmas is often portrayed as the most wonderful time of the year: peaceful, cozy, filled with baking cookies, decorating the tree, sipping hot chocolate, exchanging gifts, and spending quality time with loved ones. Movies and commercials paint an idyllic picture of harmony and joy. A season where everything slows down, everyone gets along, and stress magically disappears. But for many neurodivergent people, including those with ADHD, autism, or sensory sensitivities, Christmas can feel very different.

As the mom of a neurodivergent child, I’ve spent the last few years trying out different ways to help my son thrive. After countless hours of research and experimentation, our family today eats a primarily plant-based diet. We follow U.S. based doctors like Michael Greger, Neal Barnard, Joel Fuhrman and Dean Ornish who all advocate for whole-food, plant-rich nutrition. Back in the States, we even found pediatricians who supported a plant-based lifestyle for children.

“It takes a village to raise a child.” We’ve all heard that saying before. But here’s what I’ve learned: It also takes a village to live with ADHD. ADHD can be overwhelming. And while many of us try to power through on their own, the reality is that we need help, guidance, and support from others.

I first came across the Zing Program in Edward Hallowell and John Ratey’s book ADHD 2.0. In it, Hallowell talks about a young boy from China named Samuel who had trouble in school with focus, retention of information and impulse control. Hallowell sent him a short version of the Zing program (see below) and asked his mother to make sure Samuel did the exercises every day for thirty minutes.

Time and time again I have wondered why keeping a tidy home feels like such an impossible task. Or, as my friend likes to say, like chasing a moving train while wearing roller skates. I love that analogy! For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with keeping my space clean and organized. As a teenager, a messy room was a sign of independence, of mild rebellious behavior against my parents’ rules.

Last summer, I hit a breaking point. I was standing in the kitchen, staring at the pile of dishes in the sink while listening to my two sons fighting in their room, and I just lost it. Not in a loud, dramatic way but more like a quiet, exhausted collapse. My son had come home with a teacher’s note that he forgot to do his homework (again), a parent had called to complain about my son’s impulsive behavior toward her daughter and we had just been thrown out of my son’s soccer club because my son was spacing off too much during practice.

As an ADHD coach, I see it all the time: For many people with ADHD, the challenges don’t stop at focus, organization, or time management. One of the most overlooked and painful struggles lies in the challenge of finding meaningful social connections. Of course, not everyone faces the same difficulties. Some neurodivergent people are social butterflies, with great friendships and wonderful groups they belong to.