Navigating Social Life with ADHD
As an ADHD coach, I see it all the time: For many people with ADHD, the challenges don’t stop at focus, organization, or time management. One of the most overlooked and painful struggles lies in the challenge of finding meaningful social connections.
Of course, not everyone faces the same difficulties. Some neurodivergent people are social butterflies, with great friendships and wonderful groups they belong to. Yet, others feel uncomfortable among other people; they feel like they’re speaking a different language—or worse, like they don’t belong at all.
Caroline Maguire, author of Why Will No One Play With Me?, describes this disconnect as a central issue for many kids and adults with ADHD. From childhood onward, people with ADHD are more likely to be left out, misread social dynamics, or simply feel awkward around others. But why does this happen?
The Invisible Barrier: Reading Social Cues
One core challenge lies in interpreting social cues: those subtle glances, body language shifts, pauses in conversations, or tone changes. People with ADHD often have trouble recognizing these cues in real time because their brains are busy processing a flood of other thoughts and stimuli. This makes it harder to “read the room,” respond appropriately, or adjust behavior in the moment.
As a result, interactions may come across as too intense, off-topic, or even insensitive, even when our intention was good. Over time, these misunderstandings can lead to feelings of rejection, isolation, or the dreaded question: “What’s wrong with me?”
Feeling Awkward, Different, and Left Out
Many people with ADHD report feeling like an outsider.
Maybe we overshare in a conversation, interrupt too much, miss sarcasm, or get labeled as “too much.”
Other times, we might feel we cannot find people who are on the same wavelength. Since our brains are wired to think outside the box and approach problems in an unconventional way, we may have different topics that consume us and that we want to share with other people.
Yet, we might find that many people cannot relate to our unique interests or the way we think about life in general. One client of mine shared a conversation she had with a friend who got frustrated at her and blurted out, “Can’t you just talk about ordinary stuff like shoes instead of philosophizing about anything and everything?”
Those hurtful responses can fuel shame and cause us to retreat or mask our authentic selves to avoid being judged.
Ironically, this very withdrawal can keep others from getting to know the real us and prevent genuine connections from forming. It's a vicious cycle: the more we try to hide, the more alone and misunderstood we feel. And over time, we might be convinced that no-one wants to hang out with us, and we might get depressed and anxious.
So, What Can You Do? Practical Steps Toward Connection
The good news is that connection is still quite possible but it takes intention and practice. Here are a few steps to help us build friendships and find our people:
1. Practice Noticing Social Cues
Reading social cues can be challenging for people with ADHD due to difficulties with attention, impulsivity, and processing nonverbal communication. Practicing this skill takes time and intentionality. We can start by observing body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions during conversations. Then we try and pause before responding to give ourselves time to process. We can also ask trusted friends for gentle feedback or role-play scenarios to improve awareness. Maguire suggests keeping a journal of interactions to reflect on what went well and what felt confusing. With practice and patience, we can build stronger connections and feel more confident in social settings.
2. Set Small Goals
For us with ADHD, social events can feel overwhelming when there are too many people, too much stimulation, and the pressure to interact “just right.” Practicing friendships doesn’t mean diving into big parties or long conversations. It’s okay to start small. We can try saying hello to one new person or staying at an event for just 20 minutes. Maguire recommends setting simple goals, like asking someone one question or making eye contact. Progress may feel slow, but every small step helps us build confidence and connection. Friendship isn’t a race; it’s about finding our rhythm and showing up as we are.
3. Find the Right Environments
Instead of trying to fit into groups that don’t feel right, we can look for places where our interests lead the way. We can try out clubs, local meetups, online communities, hobby-based groups, or volunteer projects that offer something we feel excited about like sports, cooking, religion, crocheting or politics. When we’re doing something we enjoy, it’s easier to connect with others naturally. We usually already have a topic that connects us, so coming up with a conversation doesn’t feel as hard.
4. Take it Slow
Oftentimes, we get so excited about a new potential friend that we want to make it happen immediately. We jump right in and pour our heart out without waiting to see whether our first impression of the new person was accurate. Then, when the other person reveals a side we don’t like, we might become disappointed and feel let down. Instead of jumping in with all of our heart, we can be patient and let something evolve slowly. Friendships develop over time – we cannot rush into them the way we did when we were six or seven years old. The more often we see a new person, the more trust we can slowly build and the better we know whether we are a good fit for each other.
5. Don’t Let One Experience Define Your Worth
Rejection stings, and social missteps happen to everyone. But one awkward moment doesn’t mean we’re broken or unworthy of connection. Instead of shutting down, we can treat each experience as a chance to learn and grow.
Living with ADHD can make social interactions feel like navigating a minefield blindfolded but it doesn’t mean meaningful friendships are out of reach. By acknowledging the challenges, using practical strategies, and surrounding ourselves with people who appreciate our unique rhythm, we can build a life rich in connection.
We are not too much. We are not weird. We are wired differently—and that’s not just okay, it’s something the right people will love about us.
