Smart Networking for ADHD Brains
Two weeks ago, I wrote an article about the challenges of reading social cues when we have ADHD. Today’s post takes that conversation in a different direction. A direction that’s equally important and equally challenging: networking when you're neurodivergent.
In my own experience at the university the word “networking” can spark anxiety in even the most confident person. But for those of us with ADHD, it can feel downright overwhelming. Loud rooms. So many names. Endless small talk. Sensory overload. For many, this sounds like a true nightmare.
Yet, networking remains one of the most important tools in professional life. Whether we’re looking for a job, exploring new opportunities, or trying to build our own business, who we know often matters just as much as what we know.
Why is networking so important?
Here are five key reasons why networking can make or break our professional growth:
Access to hidden opportunities
Many jobs are never posted publicly. They’re filled through recommendations and internal referrals. Without networking, we may never even hear about them.Learning from others
Through networking, we gain insight into other industries, roles, and challenges. These conversations can spark new ideas or help us solve existing problems.Building a reputation
Being seen, heard, and remembered, especially for the value we bring, helps build professional credibility and visibility in our field.Emotional support and encouragement
Knowing others have faced similar struggles can be incredibly validating. We might find mentorship or just a sympathetic ear.Collaborations and partnerships
Networking can connect us with future collaborators, co-founders, or clients. Relationships are often the first step toward new projects and business ventures.
But knowing why networking matters doesn’t make it easier. It can still be extremely challenging.
Neurodivergent challenges in networking
For people with ADHD networking events can feel like a sensory and emotional overload. Some of the common challenges include:
Overstimulation in noisy, crowded settings
Forgetfulness, especially when it comes to names or follow-ups
Difficulty reading social cues like tone, body language, or facial expressions
Inattention, making it hard to stay focused during small talk
Impulsivity, sometimes interrupting or dominating conversations unintentionally
Social anxiety or fear of rejection
Masking, which leads to burnout from pretending to be someone you're not
Thus, we often leave networking events feeling drained, discouraged, and disconnected. And at times, even downright depressed if things didn’t go as planned. We may feel like a complete failure, unable to do what many people don’t seem to have a problem with.
My personal experience as a professor
In my years as professor, I attended countless conferences and networking events. Over time, I realized these environments didn’t work for me. I’d either only talk to the people I already knew or awkwardly stick with the first person I met at the cocktail hour or social mixer. Even though I knew to “scan the room first,” “let a friend introduce me,” or “talk to just two new people,” those strategies rarely yielded satisfying results for me.
The cost-benefit ratio just didn’t add up. So, I stopped attending traditional networking events and started doing things my own way. Here’s what worked for me:
Networking outside of networking events
1. LinkedIn
I know that online platforms have a bad rap among some people but I love them. I take my time to look for people I find truly interesting, then send them a short message, introduce myself and ask them a few questions. I enjoy following people in my field, commenting on their posts, and sending thoughtful connection requests. For some reason, asking someone for a virtual coffee chat doesn’t scare me at all. My experience has been very positive with 90% of the people I contact responding in an affirmative way.
2. Webinars from home
Likewise, I’m a big fan of online seminars. Online seminars let me observe others before I decide to interact with them. I usually note down the names of speakers or attendees who say something interesting so that I can reach out via email or LinkedIn afterwards and ask to connect. That method has worked really well for me in the past.
3. Introductions through friends
A few years ago, I thought I didn’t know anyone who could introduce me to people in my field. Yet, when I started asking around, I was surprised how many connections my friends came up with. Oftentimes, a friend of a friend of a friend turned out to be a great connection and it started a domino effect that introduced me to more and more people without my having to write any cold emails. I love the power of connections through friends and family members.
If you want to try networking at a conference
If you want to try out traditional networking, here are a few strategies I have used in the past, with okay results:
1. Choose smaller or niche events
Instead of attending a massive mixer, I opted for smaller workshops or seminars in the past that were more structured and less overwhelming. I found it easier to start a conversation with people who shared my interests – and the emphasis wasn’t on networking but on learning something new. I also liked the fact that someone else was in charge who planned activities and helped us get to know each other naturally through a class or in a break-out room.
2. Practice beforehand
Before I went to an event, I tried to be prepared. I thought of a few sentences to introduce myself and decided how I wanted to present myself. I also thought of 2–3 questions to ask others (“What brought you to this conference?” or “What’s your current project?”). Also, I thought of a plan how to gracefully exit a conversation (“It’s been lovely chatting. I’m going to grab a drink!”). It was difficult to extricate myself from a conversation that didn’t seem to go anywhere, and having a few phrases in my mind came in handy.
3. Bring a friend
Before I attended a conference I would look at the conference program to search for attendees I knew. I’d then make plans with them to meet up. Going to a networking event with someone I already knew made me feel much more comfortable. I always had someone to talk to and could meet my friend’s friends and acquaintances. In the past, going with someone I knew was my preferred method of networking and the most successful one.
4. Use “anchor” activities
If I didn’t know anyone at an event, I tried to grab a drink or a plate of food. Being “busy” with something gave me a chance to scan the room to see who was there. I also liked to sit at the bar or at a table with other people and start a conversation. Sometimes it worked, other times it didn’t. Sometimes people approached me on their own which was quite nice and saved me energy.
5. Set a time and people limit
Since I am prone to overstimulation, I tried to set clear boundaries for myself. I decided in advance how long I wanted to stay at the event (sometimes I only planned to stay for 20 minutes) or how many people I wanted to talk to (2 people can be more than enough for me). Once I reached my goal, I left without feeling guilty or exhausted. Even though my goals were small, I felt a great sense of accomplishment that I managed to do something I truly detested.
The follow-up
Regardless of where or how we network, the follow-up is essential and often forgotten. If we struggle with remembering names or details, we can write things down immediately. It might be a good idea to carry a notebook with us or take notes on our phone. Asking for a business card, or jotting down a name is another great option, together with a key takeaway from the conversation.
I usually reach out within a few days after an event. I send a quick message, usually via email, thank my new contact for the chat and ask for a follow-up. It’s easy to do since I already know the person and feel certain that it’s a valuable contact I want to keep in touch with.
Final thoughts: Redefining networking on your terms
The most important part of networking when we have ADHD is this: we need to make it work for us. Whether that means ditching the cocktail hour and going to a small workshop, doing online conferences instead of in-person conventions or using our existing network to meet new people there is no right or wrong way. The goal is to avoid overwhelm and exhaustion and find the best method that works for us.
And it’s okay to start small. One meaningful conversation can be worth far more than 15 rushed introductions.
Networking is difficult for most people so we need to be kind to ourselves when we feel a little anxious or nervous. Sometimes, networking can feel awkward, but that’s okay. And if we say something impulsive or forget our contact’s name after five seconds, that’s okay too. Every experience is a chance to learn.
So, overall, I don’t think I’m bad at networking. In fact, I am quite good at it, provided I can do it my way and what I feel most comfortable with. And so can you!
