ADHD and the Never-Ending Struggle of Keeping a Tidy Home

Time and time again I have wondered why keeping a tidy home feels like such an impossible task. Or, as my friend likes to say, like chasing a moving train while wearing roller skates. I love that analogy! For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with keeping my space clean and organized. As a teenager, a messy room was a sign of independence, of mild rebellious behavior against my parents’ rules. My room had clutter everywhere and piles of “important things,” what I now fondly (or not-so-fondly) refer to as doompiles. These chaotic heaps of paper, half-read books, and forgotten to-do lists followed me way into my college days.

But when I started my job as a university professor, I finally became more organized and, for many years, managed to keep things fairly tidy. My life had more structure with predictable teaching schedules, a few hobbies and weekly activities. But then my husband and I adopted two infants and from that time on, life was never the same. The systems that had worked for me before began to fall apart. There were just too many tasks competing for my attention. It became impossible to keep up and it’s still that way after eight years of having kids.

Dishes? They often sit in the sink longer than they should, sometimes never even getting rinsed. Laundry? I do manage to wash it, but too often I forget the wet clothes in the machine until they start to smell bad and sometimes become even moldy.

And laundry baskets? I have several sitting around at any given time with clean clothes that are waiting to be folded and that I swear I’ll get to tomorrow. You can imagine how that goes.

So, what can we do when everything feels like too much?

1. Lower our expectations and make peace with mess

One of the most helpful things I’ve learned came from Dr. Edward Hallowell, a US psychiatrist and expert in ADHD whose work I deeply admire. He says that people with ADHD need to learn to just function well in their homes, not strive for perfection. That Home & Garden-style magazine living room is a lovely dream but for many of us, it’s simply not realistic.

Messiness doesn’t make us a failure. It means our brain works differently. And part of living well with ADHD is building up our tolerance for a bit of chaos. Instead of spiraling into shame or frustration, we can learn to accept a certain level of disorder as a normal part of our lives.

2. Leverage urgency and invite people over

ADHD brains thrive on urgency. Hence, it can be an excellent idea to invite friends over on a regular basis. Not fancy dinner parties, just casual, come-as-you-are visits. The point is not to impress our friends with a spotless house, but to create a compelling reason for us to tidy up. Knowing someone is coming over can give us the jolt of adrenaline we need to vacuum, clear off the kitchen table, and maybe even find a surface or two under all that stuff.

3. Do a little every day and try the 30-minute rule

Another method that’s worked for me on and off is the “30-minute rule.” Every day, I pick one room and set a timer. For 30 minutes, I clean, declutter, or just do something. The goal isn’t to finish the whole room. It’s just to make progress. And even if I don’t get everything done, I’ve done something, which is a huge win when I’m overwhelmed.

Consistency, even in small doses, is more helpful than the occasional massive cleaning spree that leaves us burnt out.

4. Use clutter baskets to manage the mess

In ADHD households, clutter has a habit of multiplying, especially in high-traffic areas like the living room. One solution I love: clutter baskets. I put a large basket or box in the room where things tend to pile up. Instead of letting stuff scatter all over the place, I dump everything into the basket. Later, when I have the time or energy, I sort it and put things away. It’s not perfect, but it helps keep the chaos contained.

5. Give everything a home

One major obstacle to staying organized with ADHD is not knowing where things belong. If something doesn’t have a designated home, it gets shuffled around endlessly. So one of the most powerful things we can do is start small and assign places for our things.

Don’t try to organize your whole house in a weekend. Pick one drawer, one shelf, one corner of a room. Give each item a home and, more importantly, make it easy to put things back. If we have to go upstairs, open a closet, and find a specific bin to store something, chances are… it’s not getting put away.

6. Clean on the fly

When time is really tight which it often is for me, between running a business, managing a household, and supporting my ADHD son, I rely on micro-tidying. Every time I walk into a room, I try to pick up one or two things and put them away. If I’m walking to the kitchen, I’ll grab a mug or a toy on the way. It’s a small effort, but over time, it adds up.

I also try to build tidying into my existing routines: wiping the counter while waiting for my tea to steep, tossing in a load of laundry before bed, or taking five minutes in the morning to declutter one surface.

7. Make tasks visual since out of sight means out of mind

One of the biggest challenges with ADHD is that if we don’t see it, we forget it. That’s why closed drawers and storage bins can sometimes backfire: they hide things too well. To combat this, I try to keep key organizing systems visible. For example, I use clear containers or open shelving for items I need regularly. I also stick Post-its or labels on cupboard doors or use whiteboards to remind myself what needs attention. Visual cues help me stay engaged and reduce the mental load of remembering every single task.

8. Pair cleaning with something enjoyable

For most of us, cleaning isn’t inherently fun. But pairing it with something we do enjoy can make it more tolerable. I often put on a podcast, an audiobook, or even blast my favorite playlist while I’m tidying up. Suddenly, I’m not “just cleaning,” I’m catching up on my favorite TV series or singing in the kitchen while wiping counters. It turns cleaning into a more positive experience, which helps lower resistance to getting started.

Final Thoughts

Living with ADHD means navigating a world that often doesn’t make room for how our brains work. Keeping a clean, organized home is one of those areas where the struggle can be especially painful because it affects our daily well-being, our relationships, and how we feel about ourselves.

But here’s the truth: We don’t need a Pinterest-worthy house to be a good parent, partner, or human. We just need systems that support us, and a little compassion for the times when those systems fall apart.

So if we’re staring at another pile of laundry or dreading the smell of forgotten dishes in the sink, we need to remember: We’re not alone. And we’re doing better than we think.