Chased, Teased, Excluded: Our Story of ADHD and Bullying in School and What to Do about It

When my family moved from the U.S. to Germany, I thought we were ready for almost everything: a new language, new routines, new friends. My son started first grade at a small, charming elementary school in a well-off, homogenous neighborhood. Most of the kids looked alike, spoke German as their mother tongue, and came from similar family backgrounds. My son stood out: Native American, English speaker, new to the country, still processing culture shock.

We didn’t know at the time that he also had ADHD. Not only did the ADHD make everything harder, but the stress of the transition supercharged his symptoms. He had trouble sitting still in class. Making friends was overwhelming, since he didn’t speak the language well enough. And because he felt stressed out all the time, he acted out every now and then and was unable to control his emotions like his fellow classmates. The teachers, though kind, had little knowledge about ADHD and how to support him.

Within just a few months, my son became the target of relentless bullying. Recess was the worst. He was teased, chased around the schoolyard, and excluded from games. And here’s what made it extra difficult: The kids quickly figured out that my son struggled with impulse control. They would provoke him, wait for him to lash out and then run to the teacher to report him. Suddenly, he was the “troublemaker,” while the other kids appeared innocent.

It became unbearable. The teachers at my son’s school were supportive but at a loss how to improve the situation - so we eventually had to switch schools because I wanted my son to have a positive experience in the German school system. The entire experience left me shaken but also determined to learn more about bullying and ADHD and what we, as parents, can actually do.

What is bullying?

Bullying is not a one-time fight or a disagreement between kids. It’s intentional, repeated behavior that involves an imbalance of power. It can be physical (hitting, shoving), verbal (insults, teasing), social (exclusion, spreading rumors), or even digital.

For kids with ADHD, the risk is much higher. Traits like impulsivity, difficulties with emotional regulation, or being “different” from the group can make them easier targets. Sadly, bullies often know this and exploit it.

What research tells us

Science backs up what many of us parents already know from experience: Children with ADHD are more vulnerable to bullying. Here are a few key findings:

• A study on the prevalence of bullying in children with ADHD found that they are significantly more likely to experience verbal, social, and physical bullying compared to their peers.

• Research on bullying perpetration and victimization in children with ADHD shows that impulsivity and family history can predict whether a child is targeted—or sometimes even drawn into aggressive behavior themselves.

• A study on social status and bullying in students with ADHD highlights that conflicts with teachers, lower peer acceptance, and weaker social standing make these children even more vulnerable.

• Long-term research on childhood bullying and ADHD found that adults with ADHD were much more likely to recall being both victims and perpetrators of bullying than those without ADHD.

The bottom line? Kids with ADHD face a double challenge: the everyday hurdles of school plus the social risks of being misunderstood, excluded, or bullied. So how can we help our kids to navigate their school day without becoming depressed or developing social anxiety?

What helped us (and might help you, too)

When the bullying started for my son, I felt completely helpless. He came home with stories of being chased, teased, and excluded, and I didn’t know how to make it stop. My first step was simply to listen. Instead of brushing it off with “Just ignore them,” I started saying things like, “That must have been so hurtful.” It didn’t solve the problem, but it gave him the relief of being believed and understood.

At home, we began practicing. I would play the “bully,” and he’d try out different responses: sometimes standing tall and saying, “Stop, I don’t like that,” other times pretending to walk away and look for a teacher. Especially keeping his anger in check was a huge challenge for him but over time he learnt different techniques (using a stress ball, getting support from his few friends or kicking a tree instead of the actual person) that helped him cope better. He still had trouble with his emotions but it gradually got better.

We also worked hard to find safe spaces and good friends outside of school. We started therapeutic horseback riding which he loved. Being with animals and riding through a forest calmed him down and helped him feel himself more. He also made some friends at the riding school with kids that had similar issues and whose parents understood where my son was coming from and didn’t judge or criticize.

Of course, none of this worked without talking to his teachers. I learned to be very clear: what ADHD means for my son, what sets him off, and what strategies might help him succeed. Some teachers really listened, others less so but the conversations mattered and made me feel more in control.

Unfortunately, in our case, we eventually decided to switch schools despite the fact that many things had improved significantly over time. Yet, what hadn’t improved was the attitude many parents harbored toward my son and the blame they put on him for everything that happened on a regular basis. It wasn’t easy, but it gave him the chance to start over in a more supportive environment. Sometimes, that’s the bravest and most loving choice we can make as parents.

Final thoughts

Bullying and ADHD are a tough combination. But what I’ve learned as a mom is this: while we can’t control other kids’ behavior, we can control how we respond, advocate, and prepare our children.

It takes teamwork - parents, teachers, and sometimes even a new environment. But with the right strategies and support, kids with ADHD can not only survive these challenges but grow stronger from them.

And maybe most importantly: Our kids need us to believe them, stand by them, and remind them every day that their ADHD is not a weakness but simply part of who they are.

If you need extra help and support, book a free discovery call today! We can figure things out together!

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